Some Scars Don't Fade
by CelticQueen09
Summary: After Eddy's Brother moves back in, Eddy's life take a downward spiral and he turns to hurting himself to cope. Future EddxEddy
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! I have gotten back into EEnE lately, and I really wanted to write an angst fic told from Eddy's POV. This fic will eventually be EddyxEdd, if enough folks like this and review it. So if you like this, PLEASE review! It's pretty dark and it's also based on some real-life events from my life, so just a warning.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own EEnE, but I wish I did.**

"Let's work on your pronunciation, shall we Eddy?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I mumble, resting my chin on hand, with my elbow propped up on the table.

Sockhead cleared his throat and then carefully wrote a sentence on a clean sheet of paper in his notebook and placed it in front of me.

 _Ma famille a un chat._

"Mah famil aye unne chatte," I read choppily.

"No, Eddy!" Sockhead scolded, discouraged. I sighed.

"It's pronounced, 'ma famille a un chat'; the second part of famille has a long 'E' sound, and you don't pronounce the 'T' in chat," he explained.

"Then why the heck do they bother with putting a 'T' at the end of the word in the first place?!" I ask. Then I leaned forward with my arms crossed on the table. "This is stupid," I added.

"C'est le francais, Eddy," Sockhead responds. "If you did not want to acquire the French language then perhaps you should have registered for another class when you started all this last year, may I remind you."

I hate to say it, but maybe Sockhead was right. There was Spanish and German being offered too. Ed chose Spanish, maybe I should've taken that with him. I would've taken German but I found out the Kankers were taking that class. When I found out Nazz and Sockhead were taking French, I figured those were good enough reasons for me to take it too. Of course, Shovelchin was also taking French, but who cares? Point is, I love to sit across from the room and check out Nazz as eye candy during the boring lectures. And Double D? Well, if there's a class that I can actually take with him—that's not AP Calculus or some nerdy, high-brow shit like that—then I'm taking it. Sockhead doesn't even realize when I'm copying his homework half the time during these "study sessions".

"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving my hand dismissively. I scoot my chair back and put my legs up on the table, crossing them. "I just don't get why they have those extra letters on the end of words if we ain't gonna say it, ya know?"

"Eddy, have you lost your ever-living mind?!" Sockhead freaked out.

"What?" I asked, having no idea what he was laying an egg over now.

"Why in the SAM HILL do you have your feet on the table, Eddy?!"

"Oh, that?" I glanced at my feet, then I shrugged. "It's not like I have my shoes on or anything. Got socks on, ya know."

"But, if mother and father were to find out—"

"How they heck are they gunna find out?! They ain't ever here!"

"Touché Eddy, but putting one's feet on the table is immensely unsanitary, nevertheless!"

I sighed again. "Geez, okay." I slowly took my feet off the table and placed them on the cold kitchen tile. "There, ya happy now?"

"Why yes, thank you Eddy!" Double D smiled widely, showing his gap. It's kinda funny, every time he smiles all cheesy like that I always notice that gap. It's so…. I dunno, just so _him._ I don't say anything about it, because the couple of times that I have before it usually pisses him off. I'd rather piss him off in new, creative ways. Like putting my feet up on the table when we're having a study session.

Truth is, I don't really _need_ these study sessions.

I mean, yeah, I usually get C's or whatever in French, but it's not like I'm failing or anything.

It's just another excuse to spend time with one of my pals.

I'll do anything not to go back home after school.

Another thing that I have been doing lately after school is watching those horrible B grade monster movies with Ed. They're God-awful, but whenever I ask Lumpy if there's a new "Night of the Flesh-Eating Trolls" or whatever out, his face lights up and he immediately asks me if I want to come over and watch it. Hell, I don't even mind seeing Sarah or Jimmy when I go over to Ed's house, which I often do. I guess over the last couple of years, Sarah has grown on me. Shit, anyone and anything is better than _him_.

Ya see, I haven't seen my brother in years, not since that Mondo a Go-Go incident, where everybody was there. And I was fine with that. I mean, he's a jerk. I always knew that, but it just seemed like he was getting worse over time. It definitely seemed that way that day we found him at that theme park.

But looking back on it, it was a good thing that he had a job and a place to stay. He didn't have to be sent away, like when we were growing up. Mom and dad were always talking, worried if he could "make it out there".

As it later turned out, he couldn't.

I hadn't heard from Big Bro in years and then, last year during my sophomore year, the rents got a phone call in the middle of the night. It was my brother, threatening to kill himself.

The old man immediately hit the road and picked him up at some shitty apartment, not too far from Mondo a Go-Go. It turned out that Big Bro turned to drugs. I mean, I always knew he smoked weed, but I guess that was one of the reasons I thought he was cool growing up. That was just one of the many dumbass reasons I thought he was cool, which I was so wrong all these years.

Bro told mom and dad about the harder stuff. Ya know, cocaine, meth, pills. He also said he did heroine, but I don't believe him. All that fucker does is lie.

And then, BAM! Life changed when big bro moved back in last year. Maybe I when I was younger I would've been thrilled, but bro wasn't nearly as much of an asshole then as he is now. Much like I was growing up, I am still his punching bag, but worse. I remember one day talking to Ed on the phone after school. Big Bro pounded my door and then he opened it 'coz I didn't have it locked.

"Whaddya want?" I asked, irritated.

"I need to use the phone Pipsqueak," his eyes had dark, hollow circles around them.

"Too bad Bro," I said. "I'm in the middle of talking to Ed,"

"I said, gimme the damn phone!"

I raised an eyebrow, feeling like he was trying to test me.

"No."

"You piece of SHIT!"

At that moment, he beat the living shit out of me. He held me down with his left hand and tried to punch my face with his right. I covered my face with my arms, so he hit my arms and then eventually went for my stomach. I tried not to cry but the pain was too much, both physically and mentally. Bro then walked over to my phone and pulled the cord out of the socket, and then he picked up my old-fashioned phone and threw it across the room, and it hit the wall with a loud noise. The phone was scratched but okay, but it left the wall with a dent.

Worse though was that I knew Ed heard all of this. I was so nervous to see him the next day. Luckily, Lumpy didn't mention it or act any different towards me. Either he didn't think much of it or already forgot. Either way, I was relieved. If it were Double D on the other end of the receiver on the other hand, I would've had to come up with some elaborate story to make him not worry about anything.

Not only does Bro like to beat the living daylight out of me, but he steals. From everyone. Mom, dad, and me.

I remember another day when I came home from school and my record player was gone.

Turns out, asshole pawned it for drug money. I was livid because I grew up with this record player. Dad gave me money to go buy a new one, but it wasn't the same. The one I had was an antique and it meant a lot to me.

Other shit started disappearing from my room too. CDs. Earphones. Money.

The rents told me to start hiding my stuff, so I did. I started hiding my allowance in between my mattresses. I know I had $30 there one day. Then one day, POOF! Gone like that.

"Where were you hiding your money Eddy?" My dad asked me when I told him.

"In between my mattresses," I answered.

"That's not a very good place to hide things! He's good at finding stuff! You're going to have to come up with better hiding places!"

… _Going to have to come up with better hiding places?_

Really?

I begged my parents to kick him out, but they wouldn't even consider it, claiming that he can't "make it" in the real world. So I just have to tolerate his beatings and hide all the stuff that I don't want to get stolen. Great.

I mean, sure, I stretched the truth a lot with the scams I did with Lumpy and Sockhead growing up, but it was only because I wanted money for Jawbreakers. It's not like I was straight-up stealing from someone for drug money.

After Double D and I wrapped up our study session, I said bye to him once he sees me out the front door. I very slowly walked across the lawn and back to my house, feeling like the books in my backpack weighed a trillion tons. Or maybe it's just the feeling of dread. Who knows?

I glanced at my watch. 6:30. Good, the rents should be home by now. Everyday I try not get home until around this time, because I feel better when mom or dad are at home. Otherwise, if it's just me and Bro, chances are he'll beat the shit out of me for no reason.

After putting the key in the front door, I opened it to see Bro stretched out on the couch, lifelessly watching TV. No surprise. But then I quickly saw the kitchen lit up and I could see my mom cooking, and I smelled something good coming from there, like chicken.

Whew.

I closed the door behind me and trudged up the stairs. Maybe my mom saw me, maybe she didn't. As a family, we don't really talk anymore. It's like there's too much pain and tension in the house to talk. That or when Bro moved in he sucked all the energy out. Guess it doesn't really matter.

When I get to my room I shut and lock the door behind me. I walked over to the blinds and made sure they were shut, which they were. I felt a very familiar and tense feeling in my chest, and my left arm was itching. I rolled up my sleeve and scratched, trying not to pick at any of the scabs already there.

I mean, I had an okay day today. Yeah school sucked, but I got to hang out with Sockhead afterwards, and I had no interaction with my Bro. So all in all, it hasn't been a bad day.

But I was definitely craving it, and bad.

Like a zombie in one of Ed's horrible movies, I went to my closet without thinking and pulled out a shoebox buried under a pile of clothes. Basically this shoebox was filled with knives and blades, some serrated and some smooth. I actually prefer the smooth ones, especially on an okay day like today. I picked up my favorite smooth but big butcher knife and walked over to my bed. I looked for a spot in between the old scars and fresher scabs that hasn't been marred yet.

I take a deep breath, filled with adrenaline.

"Ahh!" I breathed out as I quickly cut my flesh. I sat there and watched for the blood to slowly come to the service. I grabbed a wad of tissues and pressed down, trying to get the blood to stop faster. With my right hand firmly pressed against my left forearm, I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I took a deep breath again. It's so weird, but everytime I do this, it's like an out-of-body experience. It's like, Bro has his drugs and I have, well, this.

Nobody knows that I do this. And I plan for it to stay that way. I mean, I can only imagine the ridicule and the names I would be called if word got out. Emo. Pussy. Weak. Fag.

And maybe I am all of those things, and a part of me believes it. But I want people to see me and think of me just how I act; like a cool, confident, good-looking and fun guy. I once heard on a motivational tape that if you act a certain way, you'll be a certain way.

But I guess I kinda negate that everytime I hurt myself.

But I mean, shit, how else am I going to deal with how shitty things have gotten since Bro came back? Mom and dad are the ultimate enablers and I'm just supposed to sit back and 'take it'!

So, I mean, I guess this cutting thing is working, for now at least.

Anything to not blow my brains out.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for the glowing reviews! Because of the kind words and how personal this story is for me, I've written another chapter. I do want this fic to be as realistic as possible and stay as true to the characters as possible, so the EddXEddy may come on slow. But, I will delve deeper into their relationship as well as Eddy's psyche as this fic continues.**

 **If you want me to continue, please keep reviewing! Enjoy!**

"OH OH OH! Oh Eddy! Eddy! EDDY!"

I raised a brow, maybe slightly amused at Ed jumping up and down in front of his locker.

"What, Ed?" I breathed, knowing he won't stop acting that way until I ask him. I shoved my algebra and American history books in my locker and grabbed the French.

"Revenge of the One-Eyed Godzilla Part 2 just came out!"

"Oh yeah?" I asked, trying to sound interested.

"Oh yeah Eddy!" Monobrow grinned from ear-to-ear. "And I have it! Wanna come over and watch it with me, Eddy?"

After putting my French book in my backpack I zipped it up. "Yeah sure, that sounds good," I was relieved, knowing that I had an after school plan for today and that I shouldn't get home until the rents would be home.

"Yay, Eddy! Yay!" With that, Lumpy bear-hugged me to a point where I couldn't breathe for a second. I also just put my backpack on my back, which squished my lungs more.

"Hey look, it's Dork and Dorky, totally having a DORK moment! Ha-ha!"

I rolled my eyes. "Mind your own beez-wax, Shovel-chin!" I snapped after catching my breath. My expression lifted when I saw Nazz, who wasn't too far behind Kevin. She giggled.

"Hey, Eddy!" She said after she stopped walking for a second. "Are you coming to class?"

"Class?" I asked, totally clueless. She has that effect on me.

"FRENCH class, DORK!" Shovelchin butts in. "Lemme guess…. You forgot that today there's a quiz, right?"

Oh….. Shit.

"HA HA!" The douchebag laughed. "I knew it!"

The blonde girl next to him grabbed his arm and started to nudge him in a forward direction. "We'd better get to class, Kev."

Shovelchin let Nazz lead him along. "I'll see ya there then, LOSER! Ha ha!"

"Don't worry Eddy," Lumpy said, smiling. "I fail quizzes all the time."

I didn't look at Monobrow because my eyes were fixated on Shovelchin and Nazz as they walked away. I growled.

"That stupid, no good, piece of sh—"

"Greetings, Eddy!"

A familiar voice from behind me interrupted me. Double D hurriedly got in between me and Ed, where his locker was, and worked the combination.

"My apologies for running a tad late, I had some questions regarding the upcoming test in Calculous for Professor Steinbacher after class," he explained, quickly putting up his AP Calculous book and carefully taking the French book.

"Eddy, you ARE aware that there is a quiz in French class today, correct?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, yeah…."

"Good!" He chimed, zipping up his backpack. "And Eddy, you DID do the homework problems I gave you on the subjunctive, right?"

I looked at my feet. "Uh, sure….."

"Eddy!" Sockhead scolded. "I put together those exercises specifically for you and what I'd presume that Madame Bray is going to have on the quiz!"

"Oh oh, Double D?!" Lumpy interrupted Double D's scolding.

"Yes Ed?" Sockhead turned his head from me to Monobrow.

"Revenge of the One-Eyed Godzilla Part 2 just came out, and Eddy is coming over school to watch it with me!" He smiled from ear-to-ear again. "Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy!"

"Oh," Double D responded, as if he was taking in something serious. "Well, that's great to hear, Ed." Sockhead looked at me, almost kinda sad.

Why was he looking at me like that?  
"In any case Ed, it's best that you not be late to your Spanish class. Come now Eddy," Double D continued. "Lest we be late to French class."

Ah good, it's multiple choice! When I don't know the answer Imma pretty good guesser!

I read the instructions at the beginning of the quiz:

 _Pour les phrases suivantes, choisissez la meilleure réponse._

" _Il faut que tu _ raisonnable."_

 _Est_

 _Être_

 _Sois_

 _Soit_

Aw fuck.

I played with my pencil in between my middle finger and ring finger. Feeling kinda bummed about the quiz, I looked out through the window. It was a nice October day, with all the trees all different, unique colors and the leaves falling. It was in the afternoon, so the sun was shining bright, slowly on it's way to setting. I then looked around the classroom. Kevin looked frustrated but determined, Nazz looked dumbfounded (as usual), and then there was Sockhead. Wearing that ugly orange-ass sweater, he was sitting upright and was circling his answers with ease and confidence. His face said it all, as usual. He'll get 100, and if there are bonus questions, he'll get those too. I kinda envy the guy. I wish everything came just as easy to me. I wish I enjoyed learning as much as he does. Not to mention, he's not a bad-looking guy. If anything, his personality and who he is as a person makes him almost as handsome as me. I know sometimes he wishes his parents were around more often. But shit, I'd take a non-existent family and talking through sticky notes over the miserable hell that I have for having a so-called "family".

"Class, keep your eyes on your own paper!"

Mrs. Bray snapped loudly, looking at me. Guess she thought I was trying to do cheat since I was looking around the classroom. What a bitch.

I mean yeah, I have cheated before on quizzes and tests, but not lately. I'm barely passing this class, but that's fine. In the past, my parents would've chewed my ass off for bad grades. Now they don't say nothing about it.

"Oh oh oh oh! This is the BEST, part Eddy!"

Lumpy leaned forward on his chair, already forgetting that he's already said that to me five times now.

"Oh yeah?" I said, kinda amused. And I was kinda amused at the crappy quality of the one-eyed Godzilla knocking down buildings that looked like they were made out of cardboard. Damn, why I didn't think about making money from making these stupid movies?

I turned around and looked at the clock on Ed's wall. 5:55. This movie should be over soon, at least I hope to God it is. That's good timing. Even if it did end too soon, Monobrow would let me stay longer, if nothing else to watch another God-awful movie.

"OH OH, did you see that Eddy?!" Lumpy asked. "This movie is so cool!"

"It sure is Lumpy," I agreed. Honestly, I was just happy to see Ed so happy. I always am. I really have the two best friends a guy could ask for. Sometimes I feel guilty because they're both really too good to me, but I would never say that gay shit.

Sockhead…

I wondered what he was doing right now? Wow, that's a dumb question. He's doing homework, duh. But what does he do after he's done with his homework, done with all the chores that are on the sticky notes, and he's finished getting everything ready for the next day, in his usual OCD way? Does he do anything for fun? Does he ever watch TV or movies, like me and Ed do? Does the guy ever let loose? Now that I think of it, I never hear him talking about girls anymore. He used to like Nazz growing up, but now whenever she comes by he talks to her with confidence. Me on the other hand, I still shake and freeze up, like a fucktard. Does Double D not like Nazz anymore? Maybe the guy has just gotten really confident and sure of himself. I'm the one who's still like a scared, little kid deep down… In more ways than one.

But he did look at me sad today when Ed told him I was going to watch the monster movie with him, at his house. Why'd he look sad? Probably because he wasn't included. I should've told Lumpy to invite him. I'm sure it slipped his already-empty mind, too. Oh well. Guess it wouldn't hurt for all three of us to hang out sometime.

I know the quiz is over and everything (and I'm sure I failed it), but damn, I kinda wished that I was having a study session with Sockhead right now. I'll come up with some reason to go over to his place tomorrow after school when I see him.

I left Ed's house right around 6:30. As usual, I slowly trudged back to my house. While it's great that I live so close to my pals, I kinda wish I didn't, for this reason. If they lived further, I would have a longer walk back to my house, and then I would return home later. Every minute counts.

When I got to the front doorstep and got my key out, I stood still for a sec.

"What gives you the right to do this?!" I heard my dad yell at the top of his lungs.

Oh Christ.

I took a deep breath and unlocked the door and gingerly opened it. I saw my brother sitting on the couch, lifeless while mom and dad were standing in front of him yelling.

"You can't just charge stuff to my credit card! And I expect every cent of it to be paid back!" Mom yelled.

So, Bro must've found mom's credit card and had a field-day. Wouldn't be the first time.

"Are you listening to me?" Dad yelled, as he turned around and unplugged the TV.

"Yeah." Bro answered lethargically, his expression apathetic. Obviously, he felt REAL bad for what he did.

"I'm sick and tired of your attitude and disrespect! If you don't get your act together…"

I started walking towards my room, my right hand placed on my backpack strap over my left shoulder. I'm sure dad threatened him with "we'll kick you out" or some shit like that, but geez, how many times have I've heard that before? I had no interest in listening to the rest of that pathetic confrontation. It's the same BS over and over. I'm over it.

I entered my room and locked the door behind me. I let my backpack fall right by the door. Lifelessly, I stalked over to my bed and laid down, on my stomach. I am so tired. Physically, emotionally, fucking everything. I turned to my side and rolled up my left sleeve, feeling an itch coming on. I scratched with my right hand, starting to pick at the scabs. My arm still hurt and felt numb from yesterday, but it felt good. Wish I could do it everyday, but that's probably a bad idea.

Well shit, why _shouldn't_ I do it everyday?

I sat up on the side of my bed, contemplating. I mean, I try not to cut every single day. One reason is to give my wounds time to heal. I mean hell, I _am_ running out of room. I've had to start cutting my right arm, but it sucks and I don't do it good since I'm right-handed. But maybe I'll get better if I keep practicing. Maybe I should—

 _Ring, ring, ring._

The phone pulled me from my thoughts. Without thinking, I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Yes, Eddy?"

I exhale hearing the familiar, high-pitched voice.

"Sockhead," I said, smiling. Good thing he couldn't see me. "What's up?"

"Oh, just dilly-dallying and re-organizing my books Eddy," he explained. "I realized that they needed to be organized again I noticed that _Pygmalion_ was BEFORE _Pride and Prejudice_!" He chuckled, embarrassed.

"You're slipping Double D," I laughed. "How can you look yourself in the mirror, knowing that your books aren't alphabetized right?"

"Oh PLEASE Eddy," he snapped back quickly. "At least I make an effort to be organized, unlike others."

"Are you saying I'm not organized, Double D?"I asked facetiously. "Oh, I am SO offended by that!" I laughed loudly.

"Oh hush,"

"So for real Sockhead," I said, stretching out on my bed. Suddenly, I felt totally comfortable. It's weird how a phone call can take me from a dark place to a good place so quickly. "What's going on?"

"I really just wanted to see how you were doing Eddy," he said.

"Oh yeah?" I lifted a brow. I kinda felt nervous, because I was wondering what he was insinuating.

"Indeed," he said.

"I mean, do I seem weird or different to you or anything?" I asked in a tone that would suggest that it was a crazy thing to think.

There was a pause.

"…No," Double D finally responded, but it sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Well good," I said quickly. "'Cause I'm fine," I lied. But really, I just wanted to change the subject.

"Good," he breathed. "I'm content to hear that Eddy."

"Yep."

There was another awkward pause.

"So, uhh…" I started, grasping for something to talk about. "That quiz in French today. You totally nailed it, didn't ya Double D?"

Whew.

"I suppose I did alright," he modestly responded. "And yourself Eddy? Did you even study the subjunctive?"

"Yeah, s-sure I did,"

"Please."

"Anyways Sockhead," I said, yawning. "I think I'm gonna hit the hay soon. Ya know, I'm tired from studying all that French," I chuckled.

"Very well Eddy," he said. "I shall see you tomorrow morning, then?"

"Yep," I yawned again. "Night Sockhead."

"Goodnight Eddy,"

While I was getting ready for bed, I couldn't help but smile at the irony of it all. Sockhead didn't know it, but he saved me tonight. He saved me from myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Wow! I really appreciate the glowing reviews! I love that people are feeling the Eddy angst as well as the EddxEddy. The slash will come in the very near future chapters, I promise. I just want to tell a story while staying true to the show and still making it believable.**

 **As always, if you would like to see more of this story please review this chapter and enjoy!**

"You sure you need to go, Eddy?" Ed asked me sadly after I put my backpack on my back.

"Yeah, gotta get home and eat dinner sometime, Monobrow. But thanks for letting me watch the movie with ya," I explained. Lumpy's sad expression made me smile. He may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but ya can't help but like the guy.

"Okay Eddy," my tall friend said, sulking some.

"I'll see ya tomorrow, 'kay Lumpy?" I smiled, trying to cheer him up a bit.

"Okay Eddy," he repeated. "See ya tomorrow,"

I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I looked at my watch. 6:37. Okay, the rents should be home now.

I leisurely took my time crossing the lawn over to my house. School was okay today. I mean, yeah, I failed the damn quiz, but it's not like that was a surprise.

As I crossed his house, I can't help but think about Sockhead. Today, Sockhead was Sockhead. He didn't act any weirder than he normally does, despite the conversation we had on the phone last night. He may be smart, but he's also really naïve and it's pretty easy to hide and cover up stuff from him. Like my scars.

I breathed heavily when I stepped onto my lawn. My heart felt like it was slowly sinking into my stomach. I always felt like this when I have to go home.

Once I'm on the front porch, I get my key out and unlock the front door. I step inside, not hearing anything. I quietly close the door behind me.  
Hmmmm….

Maybe mom and dad are upstairs?

Wherever everyone is, I head up the stairs to my room. I grab the doorkn—

"Hey Pipsqueak,"

I slowly turned my head and looked down the stairs. Not at all who I wanted to see.

"Are mom and dad home?" I asked, worried.

"Not yet," he answered. He seemed pissed, which is nothing new.

"Why aren't they home yet?"

"I need to borrow some money," he ignored my question. I got really nervous at this.

"I don't have any money," I snapped back.

"Bullshit," he yelled. "I know dad gives you an allowance."

"I spent it all already," I said, irritated that I'm engaged in this conversation.

"Yeah right," he mumbled while he charged up the stairs. As soon as I saw him coming towards me I swung open the door and slammed it. I heard him yelling right on the other side of the door, so I quickly tried to turn the lock but then he was on the other side and he already grabbed that end of the knob. What was worse was that he was forcefully turning the other end of the knob so that I couldn't lock it. I was pushing my body up against the door to counter Bro pushing the door towards me.

"Open the FUCKING door, Eddy!" He yelled viciously.

"NO!" I yelled back, breathing heavily while I kept pushing up against the door. He was definitely gaining on me. I knew it was just a matter of time before he was going to open the door and get in here. I knew what he was going to do once he got in here, too. All I can do is try to keep my door closed as long as I can.

I grunted and felt like I was stepping in place while I was pushing and pressing up the door.

"You piece of shit!" He yelled. The door started to open, but I wasn't going to give up. Even though I was out of breath, I kept my left shoulder pressed against the door and didn't stop.

Then, unexpectedly, some weird force flung the door open, and I fell straight on my back, hard. I saw that Bro kicked the door open, unhinging it a bit. I quickly propped myself up on my hands and I panicked while he charged towards me. My legs felt numb, so I scooted back and dragged myself further backwards with my arms until I hit my bed. At that exact time, Bro grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me off the floor. I frantically pulled at my shirt, wishing I knew how to take my shirt off so that I could escape, even if he would see the scars. Ya think I would've figured out how by now, after all the times he's done this. With his eyebrows furrowed and his teeth clinched in anger to where I could see his gold tooth, I knew what was coming next. I took a sharp breath in; there's really no way to prepare myself for this.

"SHIT!" I screamed after he punches my face and I fall to the floor. For a second the pain shoots through my face and right at first I don't feel anything. Again, I propped myself up from the floor with my left arm. I saw a few drops of blood, and I realized that my left eye was blacking out and seeing stars. I touched the left side of my face, and it felt numb with pain.

"That's what you GET for talking to me like that!" He yelled. I didn't even look at him. I was still facing the floor, in a strange daze.

"Get up," he said. I didn't move, my head still down. "I said, GET UP!"

With that, he kicked my side and my body slammed up against the bed. I turned around, staring at the monster.

"No Bro," I managed to say, pleading. Again, he picked me up by my collar. He pulled back his right fist, getting ready.

" _Please,"_ I whispered in vain.

"STOP right there!"

At that moment, I was dropped down on the floor. There my mom was, standing there in the doorway.

"Edward!" She yelled while she ran towards me. She got down on her knees and wrapped both of her hands around my face. Her eyes filled with tears, I could tell that she was devastated seeing me like this. I felt so humiliated, even if it wasn't my fault.

"Eddy….." She said softly, tearing up. She turned around and yelled, "Go to your room, now! Your dad is on his way home soon and he's going to have a talk with you!"

With that my bro shrugged and left my room. He never opens his mouth to them when he knows he's wrong.

"I-I'm fine mom," I said hoarsely, slowly getting to my knees.

"No you're not," she said.

I pushed myself off the floor and groaned. My legs had to be badly bruised too, or maybe I just got up too fast. Whatever it was, I felt a weird pain shot through my body when I tried to stand.

"Easy!" She said as she hugged me and gently guided me to sit on my bed right behind me. I sat on my bed, my hands folded and my head down.

"Just lay down Edward," she said. "I'm going to get some ice to help with the swelling, okay honey?"

"'Kay," I said.

….

A couple of hours later after she finally left my room after icing my eye and talking to me, I got everything ready that I needed for me. Finally.

I sat on my bed with the shoebox filled with sharp knives. Jesus, I'm finally alone to do this now. I picked up the serrated knife, wanting something rougher ronight.

"Ah!" I breathed. The good familiar feeling never gets old, and it's just what I needed. I breathed out the anxiety and everything that happened this evening. All that matters is this, my fix.

Even in my weird high, I couldn't help but think back to the conversation I had with my mom not long ago.

"I'll help show you how to use foundation to cover up that bruise," my mom said earlier, after she iced my eye.

"I've always wanted to wear make-up," I joked hoarsely. Really, my mind was not there with my mom at that time. All I was thinking about was what I was going to do once she finally left me alone, which I'm so glad I finally got to do it just now.

"I'm serious Edward," she said. "Between that and the baseball hat, no one should be able to tell."

"Mom."

"Yes Edward?"

"Why won't you kick him out?" I asked.

She looked at me with sad eyes as she sat down on my bed next to me. She put her hand on my leg.  
"You know he can't make it out there on his own," she said, in a tone as if I'm supposed to be empathetic and understanding.

I felt the new and fresh sting on my left arm, and somehow the memory of just a couple of hours ago didn't seem too bad. Christ, this makes all of that okay. This pain erases my brother kicking my ass earlier. It erases my parents enabling him to be the huge shit he is. It erases the fact that my parents obviously care about _his_ well-being more than _mine._

Damn, this was a deep cut, too. But it was perfect. Sometimes I stare at my left arm, kinda impressed at all the "work" I've done. I'm not much of an artist, but damn if it's not the best way I've ever expressed myself. At least I can do _something_ right, for once in my pathetic life.

I got ready for bed in a daze. I got school tomorrow.

 _RING, RING_

My alarm woke me up out of a foggy state of mind. I felt like I was in a very deep sleep and it was really hard for me to keep my eyes open. Slowly, I swung my legs to the side of my bed and blinked a couple times. The first thing I noticed was my left arm throbbing. I held it up to my face and saw the dark red and yellow scabs. Damn, I cut really deep yesterday. My face was sore too from Bro. Mom did give me make-up and a New York Mets baseball cap to help cover it up. I feel stupid about putting on makeup like a girl and wearing a hat, but it should work. I mean, it's no big deal. I'll just take a shower and wear a long-sleeve and a baseball hat. No one will know anything.

After eating breakfast, taking a shower and getting dressed, I walked to the bus stop not far from the Cul-De-Sac. I could see Lumpy and Sockhead, talking and waiting patiently. I wasn't really listening to what they were saying because I felt like I was in a weird daze still.

"Salutations, Eddy!" Double D said while I walked up in between them. "Did you hibernate well?"

"Yeah sure," I mumbled.

"EDDY!" Lumpy immediately bear-hugged me from the side like he did the other day. Luckily he was standing to the right of me so he didn't squeeze my left arm too much.

"Nice to see you too, Lumpy," I chuckled sarcastically.

"Why do you look so forlorn, Eddy?" Sockhead asked. "And why the new headgear?"

"Bad hair day," I said. "And I'm fine."

Then there was an awkward silence between the three of us.

"Let's go do something afterschool," I said abruptly. "I mean, all three of us. Together!"

"Oh oh oh!" Ed said with excitement. "We can all watch 'I was a Nail Fungus from Vietnam' together!"

"Nah, something different Monobrow," I said. "Like something we haven't done in a long time."

"Eddy, may I suggest all three of us studying together?" Double D piped in. I rolled my eyes.

"Lame sauce Double D," I stood there, one hand on my hip, the other scratching my chin, thinking.

"BINGO!" I snapped my fingers. "Let's all go play Laser Tag after school!"

"Yay, Eddy! Yay!" Ed jumped up and down. "Laser Tag is so COOL!"

"Laser Tag, Eddy?" Sockhead asked skeptically. "You know how I feel about physical feats,"

"Yeah yeah," I waved my hand. "Don't be such a sourpuss! It's gonna be great!"

The school bus was pulling into view.

"Need I remind you that Laser Tag costs money, Eddy?"

"So?" I asked. The bus stopped and the doors opened.

Monobrow went up the bus stairs first, then Sockhead, and then I stepped closely behind him and said, "If it's money you're worried about, I gotcha covered, both of you,"

Ed found our usual seat in the middle but Double D lost his balance and grabbed a rail.

"You? Paying? For US?!" His eyes were huge in disbelief.

"Geez Sockhead, why don't ya tell the whole damn bus?" I asked sourly.

"Looks like Dorky is trying to turn a new leaf! HA HA!"

"Shut up, Kev!" I yelled towards the back, whatever that stupid Shovel-Chin was sitting.

Having regained his balance, Double D sat in the row behind Ed. I sat next to him.

"Pardon me for my disbelief," he said. "It's just that I've never seen you pay for anyone other than yourself,"

What he was saying was true, but at the same time it made me feel kinda shitty. I just shrugged it off.

"Yeah well. I've saved up some allowances and I just feel like it, okay?!" I crossed my arms. The truth is, I really wanted to pay them back somehow, for putting up with me and my bullshit all these years. Not that a game of Laser Tag was anywhere near worth the value of their friendship, but it was a start.

"Very well then, Eddy," Sockhead said, smiling and looking at me with amusement and wonder. I continued looking ahead for the rest of the ride. Maybe I was just imagining things but in my peripheral vision, I think I caught Sockhead looking at me several times on the way there.

School was lame, as usual. All I could think about was all three of us hanging out after school and how awesome it was going to be. The three of us met right outside the main entrance once it was all over. I convinced the guys into walking, since the arcade wasn't too far from the school. Once we got there it was hard to stay focused and to not play any arcade games and go directly to the counter and register for the next game of Laser Tag. After I paid and we were registered, we played a few arcade games to kill time. Once we finally got to play Laser Tag, it was pretty awesome. Ed was in a world of his own, and we did not see him again until it was over. Double D on the other hand chose to stay by me most of the time, afraid to go it alone. I didn't mind at all. In fact, I kinda liked it. Even when Sockhead complains and freaks out over dumb stuff, it makes me laugh. The guy needs to relax and have fun more often, and I think I'm good at making him do that. He in turn tries to make me smarter and have better manners, not that I need any of his help or anything. Really, I think we go well together.

"You guys! That was so COOL!" Ed exclaimed on the way home. His cheeks were flushed; it was pretty obvious he did a lot of running.

"Glad ya liked it, Lumpy," I said, genuinely smiling.

"It was a bit of a daunting physical task," Sockhead said, still fanning himself with his hand. "But it was rather intriguing," he smiled. "I thank you, Eddy."

"No biggie," I said. We were in the Cul-De-Sak now, and we stopped walking in the middle of the street.

"Well, I suppose we shall see each other tomorrow, shall we?" Double D said.

"I had such a GREAT time with my pals!" With that, Ed grabbed Double D's right arm and my left arm and squeezed as hard as he could.

I felt the pain in my arm quickly shoot through my body.

"YEEEOOOUUCHHH!" I screamed as I held my left arm close to my chest, protecting it with my right arm. I felt the tears building up in my eyes.

"Eddy?" Double D asked, concerned.

"Geez I'm sorry Eddy," Ed said, "I didn't think I squeezed your arm _that_ hard,"

"It's FINE," I snapped while I turned my back to them. I looked down and could see a speck of red seeping through the yellow sleeve.

Oh no.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I said over my shoulder while I quickly stalked towards my house.

"Eddy?" I heard Sockhead's voice behind. I looked down and saw more blood seeping through, which only made me walk faster to my house. I felt bad because I don't really run from my two best friends like this, but there was no way in hell that I was going to stay there and try to explain myself out of this one while my shirt was getting stained. Plus, I was really embarrassed.

Right when I got the key out to unlock the front door and I stepped inside, I heard the same familiar, high-pitched, angst-ridden voice call my name, begging for a response:

"EDDY!"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Bonjour tout le monde! What sweet reviews on the last chapter. I am sorry that these updates are coming so slow, but I really want this story to be good so I put a lot of thought and pre-planning before I actually start writing.**

 **Now as you know, I promised some Edd/Eddy slash and finally (!), it is here! I appreciate your patience with me and I really hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **As always, please review if you would like me to continue! Your reviews mean the world to me.**

I slammed the door behind me as soon as I got in my room. I locked the doorknob and threw my baseball cap on the floor. I took off my shirt, stalking over to the bathroom. I poured some hand soap on the stain and threw it in the sink, running cold water. This sucks! I really hope this comes out because this is my favorite shirt. I looked at my left arm and see that it's bleeding some, although not a lot. It looks like my shirt soaked up most of it. I grabbed some paper towels and swiped one of them under the faucet with the cold water running. I pressed down on my left arm as hard as I could to get it to stop bleeding. It's kinda funny, in a way. It seems like I spend a lot of time pressing hard on wounds to make them stop bleeding these days.

 _Knock, knock, knock._

I groaned. Oh great. Just what I need right now.

"I'm busy, mom!" I snapped, knowing that I wouldn't let her in anytime soon.

"Pardon me Eddy, but it's me, Double D speaking."

I froze. _WHAT?_

"Double D?" I asked staring at the door, still with my right hand pressed against my left forearm. "Who the hell let you in?!" I asked, maybe too crass.

"… It was your mother, Eddy," Double D weakly replied. He sounded a bit hurt. _Shit._

"My mom?" I asked, still trying to take this all in.

"Yes Eddy," he continued. "But at any rate, I implore you to open this door. We need to promptly have a discussion."

My heart dropped. Shit, again.

"Yeah, okay," I said. "J-just gimme a minute,"

I ran into my bathroom, turned off the water in the sink, and grabbed the soaked yellow shirt that was in the sink. I wrung it out the best that I could, then I tossed it in the laundry basket. I'll get it later.

I ran to my closet and looked for another shirt to wear. I spotted a royal blue long sleeve shirt with a collar. I yanked that off the hanger and put both of my arms through the sleeves while I walked over to the bedroom door. Standing in front of it, I put my head through the collar and ran my hand through my hair. I took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

"Heya Sockhead," I said nonchalantly, smiling. "C'mon in."

"Thank you," Double D looked at me with a doubtful and scared expression but eventually followed my lead and walked in. I shut the door behind him and motioned him over to my bed. He slowly complied and gingerly sat down. I sat down next to him but not too close. Gotta keep my cool, in everyway possible.

"Sooo," I start. "You said you wanted to talk about something?" I tried to keep the smile on my face, to reassure Double D that there was really nothing to talk about. Or maybe it was to keep myself calm. I don't know.

"Indeed Eddy," he said. "I suppose to start off—perhaps I should just be frank with you—I find that you have been acting in a manner… Rather, well, _erratic_ lately,"

I raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, kinda put-off.

"It means that you haven't quite been yourself as of late, Eddy. At least, not from my perspective." He fidgeted with his hands. I can tell that he wanted to confront me but doesn't want to offend me.

"That's weird," I said, making the idea seem crazy. "I feel just fine. I mean, _I_ think I'm the same,"

I hold my breath, hoping Sockhead will buy it. While I was holding my breath and waiting for some relief from his face, He instead squinted his eyes, really staring at me. It made me uncomfortable but I knew that I gotta keep this façade up. The sooner he buys my BS, the sooner he'll leave me alone with the interrogation.

"Are you _sure,_ Eddy?" He asked slowly.

"Well yeah! I'm sure. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because there are quite a few instances that I could use as examples of your erratic behavior," he countered. "Not that I'm complaining in the least, but during the last few months, you seem to want to spend more time with me and Ed," he noted. "In contrast, you used to tell us that you needed 'Eddy Time' whenever Ed or I would ask you if you wanted to pass time together on a more often basis,"

I cringed. I _am_ a real asshole.

"Additionally, I can also note your bizarre behavior today. Perhaps Ed grabbed your arm harder than he did mine, but he didn't grab my arm that hard at all, and you know how I am when it comes to physical manhandling. The way you bemoaned your pain when he picked you up concerns me,"

I don't say anything. I can't think of any good excuse to use.

"Moreover," he continued, "the way you abruptly left both of us in a storm concerned me. It concerned our dear friend Ed, too. He felt just horrible for having inflicted pain on you. I reassured him that I was going to talk to you to make sure you were alright,"

"I was just tired and ready to go home," I said, although I know it's weak.

"And your eye!" He said.

"My eye?" I asked.

"Yes, your left eye. It looks a little swollen… What happened?"

Shit. I forgot about that.

"Nothing," I snapped and I turned my face away so he could only look at my profile.

Sockhead sighed, defeated. "This is what I am referring to. There's just so many things that don't seem to add up."

I sat there, looking at my hands placed in my lap.

"But out of all of the instances I speak of—and perhaps the most important one—is the fact that you're not _you_ anymore. Sometimes you mentally space out and you don't hear anything me or Ed are saying to you. Your zest and love of life is gone, for the most part. Do you even remember the last time we ever did a scam?" He said the word lightly, as if it were a sacred relic of the past.

"Well, uh…" I fumbled. "We uh, haven't done a scam lately because I'm all out of ideas," I explained. But that was a lie. Over the last few months I have had a few good ideas come to mind. Tattoo salon. Reiki cleansing. Tax service. Tanning salon. Funeral home. Cleaning service. But I guess I just haven't felt like doing any of them.

"Fresh out of ideas or not Eddy," he said. "I want the old Eddy back. I want to know what has happened to my dear friend,"

His eyes looked sad and empathetic. Truth is, Sockhead was making me sad. But I know that I can't show it at all. But Christ, what I would do to tell him everything right now. I would tell him about Big Bro and all his issues, and how his issues are now my issues. I would tell him about all the beatings. I would tell him about the time my brother woke me up in the middle of the night by throwing a vase against the wall because he took too many pills. I would tell him how I woke the rents up and an ambulance came to our place at 3:00 a.m. in the morning. I would tell him about how my parents excuse all his asshole behavior, as long as Bro is "alive". Most of all I would tell him about how I can't stop cutting myself. Of course, I wouldn't really have an explanation and I wouldn't expect him to understand. Fuck, I hardly understand it myself. But I know that Double D would listen. And I know that he would at least try to understand.

But instead, I mustered up a weak smile and said, "I _am_ the same Eddy, Sockhead!" I said. "I promise."

Double D's eyes still looked concerned. "If you say so, Eddy."

"Of course I say so, I KNOW so!" I grinned widely, faking more confidence.

Okay, so maybe I need to prove to him just how well I'm doing.

"Tomorrow's Friday, right?"

Double D raised a brow, as if unsure by the intentions of my question.

"Indeed Eddy, it is." He answered. "If I may ask, why d—"

"So let's do something!" I suggested. "After school. Just me and you."

I have to admit I felt kinda weird saying the last few words. Sockhead on the other hand didn't seemed phased by it at all. He still looked confused.

"Very well Eddy," he slowly agreed. "What is it that you intend to have us do tomorrow afternoon?"

"The movies," I said. "They got that new Transformers movie that just came out. I know it looks kinda lame but it'll be fun. My treat!"

I knew Double D would agree to it. He had to because I was excited. And I really was. To be honest I've had the idea of me and Sockhead going to the movies cross my mind before, but I've never had the balls to actually ask him. Well, now I do. Not only will it be fun, but I'll get to check another thing off of my bucket list.

Sockhead's eyebrow lowered into a relaxed expression as he smiled. "Well, I suppose I consent Eddy. After all, tomorrow night is not a school night," he said, smiling and showing his trademark gap. "Shall we reunite after school?"

"Definitely," I said.

 **FRIDAY AFTERNOON**

I splashed water on my face and then grabbed a towel from my backpack to dry my face. I put on more deodorant and then some of my favorite cologne, Sauvage by Dior. My parents got it for me for Christmas last year. It definitely has a masculine and sexy smell, which is perfect for me.

I sprayed some mouth mint in my mouth to make sure my breath smelled good, too. Finally, I got my comb and gel and tried to quickly style my hair. I like my hair messy but spikey, I think it looks good with my dark brown hair. When I was done with that, I took a quick overall look in the mirror. Damn I look good! I glanced at my watch which read 4:40. I've got 5 minutes to meet Sockhead outside in front of the school. With that I took one more look at the mirror and zipped up my backpack and left the bathroom. I threw my backpack in my locker. I don't need it this weekend; I ain't got plans to study.

"Greetings Eddy!"

"Hey Double D," I said in a chill voice.

"Eddy, are you forgetting your backpack?"

"Nah," I answered. "I'm leaving it here. Don't need it."

"But Eddy! What about your Algebra class? And what about the Si-clause in French? How do you intend to—"

"We should get going," I said, putting an arm around his shoulder and leading him in the right direction, away from school. "Don't wanna be late for the movie, ya know."

"….Very well then," my taller friend relented, walking alongside with me.

The nice fall breeze seemed to set everything off right, especially with the sun setting. Double D was tinted in a cool shade of orange from the sunset. Then I realized my hand was on his right shoulder and we were walking together.

"Hey Dorkk and Dorky," I heard from the left. I shot my head over and saw Kevin on his bike, with one foot on the petal and one foot on the ground.

"You dorks going on a DATE?! Ha ha!"

I felt my face flush and then I turned and saw Double D's face turn beet-red too. I quickly shoved my hands in my pocket.

"Mind your own damn business, Shovel-Chin!" I snapped.

The douchebag laughed as he turned around on his bike and pedaled away.

"What a lousy, no-good, chinless, piece of—"

"Now Eddy, you shouldn't let others get the best of you," Sockhead cut me off.

"I'm just sick of his shit, Double D!" I said. "I mean, why do some people have to be such jerks? Why can't I ever get a break?" I vented.

Sockhead looked thoughtful. "Perhaps you should give _yourself_ a break, Eddy."

I contorted my face. Huh?

"You looked perplexed. Allow me to explain,"

"I'm listening," I said, walking and looking back at Sockhead.

"I do concur that Kevin is not perhaps the most pleasant individual to be around, especially to you, as he does seem to enjoy belittling you, which is why I certainly do not have much respect for him,"

I stared at him, still walking. "What's your point, Sockehead?"

"My point _Eddy,_ " he emphasized my name in a sarcastic tone. "Is that if you truly were confident in yourself and loved yourself, it wouldn't matter what Kevin says or does. At least, it wouldn't bother you to the extent that it does."

I growled. Along with Lumpy, Sockhead is my best friend, but I _really_ don't like it when he psycho- analyzes me.

"I DO love myself, Double D!" I snapped. Yeah, that's another lie I just told my best friend. But for Pete's sake, he doesn't know my situation. If he did, then he would know that it's not really Kevin that gets under my skin, but actually someone of my own blood.

"I understand Eddy, perhaps I am mistaken," he quickly said. "After all, it was just an observation. Sometimes my calculations are not always correct,"

"Got that right," I growled. I could see the theatre in sight. Dammit, I don't wanna argue with him. I just want to enjoy myself with Sockhead tonight.

"S'no biggie Double D," I said in a lighter tone. "I know ya mean well. Let's just watch the movie and have a good time tonight. Whaddya say?"

He smiled softly. "Very well, Eddy."

The movie was lame, just like I thought it would be. We were the only ones in the theatre. I mean, Megan Fox was hot, so that was worth it, I guess. And there were some cool affects, but overall it was pretty damn cheesy. I don't know why I chose this movie. I think I was just trying to think of a movie off the top of my head and that just came out when I brought up the idea last night. Honestly, I could be watching Driving Miss Daisy with Sockhead and be happy. Anytime I get to spend with him is good because I'm happy. God, this sounds so gay, but it's true. During the movie I wanted to grab his hand. But I just couldn't. That would be way too gay. But _damn_ , I wanted to.

After the movie ended and the credits rolled on the screen, I turned to face my friend.

"So, whatcha think?" I asked.

"It had some…. Intriguing, parts I suppose,"

"Yeah it was alright," I yawned and stretched my arms out, putting one behind the top of Double D's seat, close to him.

He didn't say anything but he was really still. I couldn't help but smile when his face turned red again.

"Thanks for coming out with me tonight Sockhead," I said.

"T-thank you for the invitation, Eddy." He nervously responded.

Dammit, now _I'm_ getting nervous!

"So, uhh…" I was grasping for something to say. "You really shouldn't worry about me Double D. I'm fine. I mean, I guess…" I trailed off. Do I want to be honest?

"You guess what, Eddy?"

I paused for a second, but continued. "I guess ONE thing has changed."

Oh shit. Where am I going with this?!

"Oh?" My taller friend perked up. "And what may that be?"

I looked at his big brown eyes and his messy dirty blonde hair. At least, what I could see that wasn't covered by his hat. He looked so damn cute. I never would've thought that I would ever have feelings for a guy, especially my best friend, but fuck it. He's the only person that I think actually gives a damn about me, besides Monobrow. But Double D gets me. He doesn't always agree with me on everything but he knows me well, sometimes better than I think I know myself. I don't want to screw up our friendship, and maybe he'll forgive me if I freak him out, and maybe he won't, but I just can't stop thinking about it.

"I really want to kiss you right now,"

The words escaped faster than I had anticipated. As soon as they left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. My heart was beating a million miles per hour in anticipation as to how he would react.

"Kiss me?" He said in a high-pitched tone, shocked. He turned redder, but then he did something I wasn't expecting.

He smiled.

"I'm sorry, my bad," I said. I started to lift my arm away from his shoulder.

"No need to apologize," he said quickly. "In fact, if you would like," he paused for a sec, during a deeper shade of red, and he buried his chin in his chest. "… You may do that which you wish to do…. Eddy."

Woah. Did I hear that right?

"Soooooo….. Is that a 'yes'?"

His smiled widened to where I saw that adorable gap and he giggled and nodded his head slightly.

I felt like my heart was going to explode, but this was it. No going back now.

I learned forward, closed my eyes and softly touched my lips to his. It felt like time stopped. We both sat there awkwardly, not moving. Then I moved my right hand to his face and kissed again, a bit deeper this time. He reciprocated and put his arms behind my neck. I wrapped my arms around his waist and gently parted his lips with my tongue. I gingerly caressed his tongue with mine and sure enough, Double D's tongue reciprocated. The hottest part was when I heard a soft moan from the back of his throat. Damn, too bad we're in a movie theatre!

"Yes, well…." Double D said while he pulled away and cleared his throat. He quickly withdrew his arms and sat up straight in his seat. He was the redder than red!I could tell that he was all hot and bothered and was trying to regain his composure. "It is getting rather late. Shall we retire for the night, Eddy?" He seemed to have his huge grin glued on his face.

I smiled in return, looking at those beautiful brown eyes. I felt like none of this was real, but it was. I felt like I was on Cloud Nine. There's no way in hell that I was going to be able to get any sleep tonight.

"Sure, Sockhead."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: You guys are awesome! I couldn't ask for more glowing reviews! I hope this story continues to be entertaining the deeper we go into it. As always, please read and review and enjoy!**

I plopped myself down on my bed, hard. I inhaled a deep breath in to try to slow down my pounding heart, which was beating like crazy. Wow. I just—wow. Did tonight really happen? Is any of this even real?

Earlier tonight after the movie Double D and I walked back to the Cul-De-Sak together. The night sky was clear and the stars were shining so bright that Sockhead pointed out a few of the constellations. I acted interested, because I was. Usually I don't care about nerdy shit like that, but if it's important to him then it's important to me. And I like to listen to Sockhead talk.

I'm glad he initiated the conversation, because there was definitely an awkward silence between us before he did. All I could think about was how much I wanted to hold Sockhead's hand while we were walking—again. But I was worried about someone seeing us and I'm sure he was too.

Finally we walked up to the steps of his house.

"Thank you again for a wonderful evening Eddy," he said, grinning like crazy.

"Of course, Sockhead." I said, immediately hugging him. I wanted to kiss him again, but because someone could be watching I didn't. I just hugged him tight and he reciprocated. This hug seemed to last longer than any of our previous hugs over the years; it was more than just a goodbye hug. At least, I thought it was.

"'Night," I said huskily, trying to sound cool.

"Goodnight Eddy," he said opening his door.

I was dizzy walking back to my house. I quietly opened the front door and shut it behind me. I kept my face down, in case someone asked me questions. But no one did. Bro was lifeless on the couch watching TV and my parents were talking in their bedroom. No one noticed me, which was typical. Typical, but tonight it didn't bother me at all.

In fact, someone could tell me that the world was ending tomorrow and I'd be alright with it, 'cept the fact that I wouldn't get to kiss my guy of choice again.

Which is why I quickly laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I wanted to relive every second of tonight, especially the kiss. His lips were so soft; not what I was expecting from a guy. And the way he put his arms up on my shoulders- just, damn. I couldn't have asked for tonight to go any better!

Tomorrow is Saturday, so I really, really hope I get to see him. I should, usually I hang out with the guys every weekend. But what if he's freaked out now? Can Sockhead still act normal with me in front of everybody else? Also, how can I get him alone without Monobrow around? Ed is my best friend too, but I don't wanna tell him what happened last night and I doubt D does either. Don't think he's ready for that.

I pinched myself in the shoulder. Nope, still awake. This is crazy. How can something _good_ actually happen to _me_? I don't know and I don't care. Even if Sockhead does start acting weird after this, at least he was freaking incredible with me tonight. I'll never forget this, ever.

Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep.

 **SATURDAY MORNING**

 _Knock, knock, knock._

"Mmhhrrff…" I grumbled, not conscious yet.

"It's time to get up Eddy," I heard my mom through the other side of the door. I took my pillow and smushed it ontop of my head, trying to drown her out.

"NO!" I yelled.

"It's 11:15, it's time for you to get up," she kept on. "And you have a guest."

A guest? Suddenly I woke up hearing these words. Would it be Double D? Shit, why didn't Sockhead call first? Now I have to get dressed hella fast.

"'Kay, j-just gimme a sec," I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I took the faster shower of my life and then ran to my closet. I grabbed another yellow shirt and jeans and put them on as fast as I could. I scurried to shave and brush my teeth. Then, I put some product in my hair and did my best to style it without taking too long. Finally, I took a deep breath while I looked at myself. I look pretty damn good for only having about 5 minutes to get ready.

 _Knock, knock, knock._

"Coming!" I yelled while I walked to the door. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes.

Keep your cool, Eddy.

As soon as I opened the door I felt a huge force bear-hug me and knock me all the way to the ground.

"EDDY!"

"Ed?!" I coughed, trying to get the air back in my lungs.

"Good morning, Eddy!" He said cheerfully, quickly standing up and oblivious to the fact that he knocked the air out of me.

I propped myself up on my right elbow. "Why didn't you call before coming over here?" I spatted.

"It's Saturday, Eddy!" He beamed, obviously in Magical Ed World, not hearing a damn thing I just said.

I slowly got up. "Yeah yeah," I brushed myself off.

A lightbulb went off.

"Say, you haven't heard from Double D, have ya buddy?" I asked as nicely as possible.

"No Eddy he's still asleep," he explained.

"Still asleep?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Ya, I rang his doorbell 22 times and he never got up,"

"Why 22 times?" I asked, but as soon as I said that I knew that was a stupid question to ask Lumpy.

Still asleep, eh? I must've worn him out last night….. Heheheheh!

I chuckled at the thought.

"What's funny, Eddy?"

"N-nothing, Ed," I said. "So, what's up for today?"

"You and me hanging out and being best friends forever, Eddy!"

I facepalmed. Obviously, asking Ed any question is a pretty stupid idea.

"Let's play some video games," I suggested, knowing he'd comply.

"Video games good for Ed!" He said while I gave him a controller. Whenever Monobrow comes over here that's what we typically do. Besides, fighting games are a lot more fun when you're playing against a real person and not the computer.

We played for a good hour. While Lumpy made me laugh, I couldn't stop thinking about Sockhead. I wonder if he's still asleep? Or is he even there at his house? If his parents actually came home for once and took him somewhere, why didn't he tell me beforehand?

Finally I told Lumpy that I had some studying to do. This wasn't true of course. I really wanted to see if Sockhead was home but I wanted to go over there by myself. I consoled Ed by telling him he could call me later today if he wanted to hang out tonight.

As soon as he left, I ran to my room and finished doing my hair. I sprayed some mouth-mint and then some cologne. I wasn't about to see him not looking my best.

When I was finally on his front doorstep, I felt my heart beating retardedly fast again, which was making me nervous. I wiped away the nervous sweat on my forehead and rang his doorbell. God, I hope he's home and he's up.

I waited. And I waited. Maybe it was only 45 second, but it felt like an eternity to me. What if he was looking through the windows and didn't want to talk to me? What if he's so freaked out about last night that he's cutting everyone off? What if is gone for the whole weekend? What if h—

The door finally opened.

"Greetings Eddy,"

There stood Double D, wearing jeans and his favorite orange sweater over his red t-shirt. His expression was pleasant but he didn't have the crazy grin on that he had last night.

"Uh, h-hi Sockhead…." I felt more sweat rolling down on my face. Fuck, why was I so cool last night but I'm falling apart today?

He stood there, studying me with his big brown eyes. After a second or two he put his hand over his mouth and giggled, I guess at my awkwardness.

Shit.

"You may enter if you wish Eddy," he opened the door wider and gestured. I stepped in, my heart still almost paralyzing me.

Instead of going to his room like we usually do, my taller friend sat on the couch in the family room, in front of a coffee table covered with sticky notes. I sat next to him but gave him space.

"So, uh…" I grasped for something to say. "Your parents are gone, right?"

"That is correct,"

"That's cool."

Silence. By now my heart was beating so loud I swore Double D could hear it too.

"Look Sockhead, I'm really sorry if I—"

"Eddy, it is not necessary to act any different—"

We both started talking at the exact same time.

I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my head. He giggled.

"You first," I said.

"No Eddy, I permit you to speak first."

"Nah Sockhead, you can go."

"Eddy, I insist."

I took a deep breath.

"I uh, I hope everything's still cool with me and you," I said, running a hand through my styled hair.

"I mean, if it's not— wait. What I'm tryna say is if I did anything that made you uncomfortable last night, I'm sorry," I paused. "I just hope you ain't gonna hold it against me."

Sockhead stared at me again with those eyes, studying me with a serious expression. He wasn't *exactly* smiling. He looked puzzled, confused, and a bit surprised.

"I mean, we're still friends, right Sockhead?"

After a second, he just burst out in this historical laugh, which was totally unexpected.

"Hey, what's so funny?" I asked, starting to get offended.

"Ha ha ha! It's you, Eddy! Hee hee!"  
"Me?"

"Indeed, you! Ha ha ha!"

I crossed my arms and leaned back into the couch.

"There ain't nothing that is funny about this right now," I frowned.

"Come now Eddy, I mean no offense to you, hee hee," he said, trying to contain himself.

"It's just how convoluted you are,"

I raised an eyebrow. "Convo—what?"

"Convoluted Eddy," he repeated. "In other words, you are quite a complex individual."

"What's _that_ have to do with what happened last night?!" I was irritated.

"Why, your character being convoluted certainly has everything to do with last night," he sat up more straight. "Allow me to explain. We've known each over for a good 12 years, correct?"

"I guess, yeah."

"You have always presented yourself as someone who is level-headed, strong-willed, and does not worry about anything. But the truth is, you're quite the opposite."

Again, he was psycho- analyzing me and dodging the subject, which was pissing me off.

"So I'm lame, weak, and worry all the time like you, is that what you're saying?" I huffed.

"Not necessarily," he said. "But you certainly worry and care a lot more than you let on,"

"So?" I spatted. "Look, I just wanna know one thing, Sockhead. Are we cool or not?"

"By 'cool' I would assume that you are asking if I took any offense to us kissing last night, is that correct?"

I nodded.

"Why of course I didn't Eddy. I granted you permission before, do you not remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Then why, may I ask, are you so nervous and concerned about it today?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. Thought maybe you would later change your mind or something, I guess."

Sockhead smiled sweetly and tilted his head to the side. He reached out and grabbed my left hand with his right hand.

"Eddy, why would I change my mind overnight?" He gently squeezed my hand, reassuringly. "This is what I was referring to. You put on an alpha-male façade but deep down, you are quite sensitive and romantic."

I felt my face flush really fast.

"Yeah well," I started. "I just came over here to make sure you were okay. That's all."

"As you can see, I am perfectly fine," he said.

"Good!" I huffed.

Again, there was another weird silence.

"Oh yeah, and Lumpy said you were asleep this morning," I added. "Another reason I came over here."

"Oh dear, I should telephone Ed and let him know that I overslept. I don't want him worrying about me,"

"I don't think he's worried," I said. "We played videos games for awhile. He's fine."

Double D's expression changed to a more stoic one.

"Eddy?"

"Yeah?"

He cleared his throat.

"Did you tell Ed about…..?"

"Oh GOD no!" I snapped. I noticed his eyes widened.

"I mean, I don't think Lumpy's ready for that, ya know."

"Agreed."

Whew.

Damn, these awkward silences are started to get on my nerves!

"Hey, Sockhead?"

"Yes, Eddy?"

"C'mere." I said, leaning forward.

Sockhead blushed and complied. Next thing I know, we were picking up right where we left off last night in the theatre, with our tongues dancing and our breathing heavy. I was quick to hold him close while our kisses got longer and more fervent, and I could feel his fingernails dig into my back. I hunched over him and helped him lay down on the couch. To be on top of the guy I like and making out with him is totally awesome! What was even more awesome were the light moans I heard him make. They only got louder while I kissed his ears, then moved down to his neck. I kept going lower. Now I know I've seen Double D shirtless before in the past, but not recently. And I just want to kiss him more, everywhere. I sat up on top of him and unbuttoned his sweater. Next I took off his red t-shirt. Hmm, he had gained some weight and muscle since I last seen him shirtless! I rubbed my hands all over his bare chest before I returned back to laying completely on top of him. Then, I continued to explore his mouth with my tongue. Double D was kissing and moaning in return as his hands continued to feel all over my back. I jumped a bit when I felt his hands going under my shirt and touch my stomach. Next thing I know, he's trying to pull my shirt over my shoulders to take it off.

Fuck.

"I, uh…." I abruptly sat up and dismounted him, sitting next to his feet. "I'm not ready for that yet, Double D."

I groaned on the inside. Shit, I sound so gay right now! But it was the only thing I could come up with.

"Now how is that hardly fair, Eddy?" Sockhead asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Whaddya mean?"

"I am completely topless whilst you refuse to do the same!" He was sitting up now with a very irritated expression on his face.

"Well I uh…" Shit. I don't know what to say to argue with that.

"It's complicated," I said, desperately.

"Complicated?" He was still irritated. "Really, Eddy?"

Shit. I do not want to piss him off at all.

"Ya know what, you're right. You can put your shirt back on if ya want Sockhead," I gave in. "But I don't wanna stop kissing you." I paused. Then I added, "I don't _ever_ want to stop kissing you."

With that he slowly put his t-shirt back on. "Understood. Perhaps we are moving a tad fast. After all, I have never kissed anyone like this before," his brown eyes were so big and serious, I couldn't help but smile at how endearing he was.

"Yeah, so, uh, where were we? Before I took of your shirt." I chuckled. "That's right. We were right here."

I leaned forward and kissed his lips softly and it didn't take long for our tongues to start dancing again. Not getting in a tight embrace this time, I couldn't help myself but to put my hands under his shirt and feel his stomach. Hopefully as long as I don't take his shirt off this time, Sockhead won't mind. Meanwhile, his hands continued to explore. My face, my shoulders, my chest, my arms. Eventually his hands met my hands, and we were making out just holding hands for a second. Then, before I even knew was he was doing, I felt his hands move up over on top of my wrists. Then he quickly put his hands under the sleeves of my shirt and moved them upward on my forearms.

I jumped up when he touched a couple of my scabs.

"HEY!" I yelled, yanking my sleeves down.

"Eddy, what was that? On your arm, it didn't feel right—"

"NOTHING!" I yelled. I was standing, now hovering over Double D who was still sitting on the couch.

"Ya can't just feel me up however ya want, Double D!" I barked.

"It was certainly more than nothing Eddy," he stood up, not intimidated by my yelling. "I insist that you remove your shirt and show me what you're hiding this instant,"

I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

"I already _told_ you, I'm not _ready_ for that!" I yelled.

For a second Sockhead looked like he was going to argue back, but instead his face softened. His eyes went from angry to sad.

"Eddy," he said softly. "Don't you realize that you can tell me _anything_?" With that he gently squeezed both of my hands.

His eyes had me paralyzed, as well as him holding my hands right in front of me. I so badly want to tell him everything. If anyone deserves to know the truth, it's him. He's always been there for me. And maybe he already has figured it out, anyways. I felt myself choke and my sight became watery.

"Double D," I choked out. "I…."

"Yes, Eddy?"

I took a deep breath. The tears were about to fall.

"I gotta go," I said while I turned around and went straight to his front door. I slammed the door behind me and ran as quickly as I could back to my house, tears running down my face.


End file.
